just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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