I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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