Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
