I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
