No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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