she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
