I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize