You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
