Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
