so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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