I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
