Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
