i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
