Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
