Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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