You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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