hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
