You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
