A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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