in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
