Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
