Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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