just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
