Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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