It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
