Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
