Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
