The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Let's paint friendship bongs
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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