shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sarcasm needs its own font
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i dont even know how to be here
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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