hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
