you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
