you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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