I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
