Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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