where am i from again
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
