and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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