I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
