Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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