your room smells of hookers.
And success
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
