So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
