I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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