3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
