Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
