know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
