We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
