now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
