I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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