I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
