when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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