I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
