You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
