I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just want to make out with him forever
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
