I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
