Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize