I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
