Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
