I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
