Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also, beer. Big fan.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
