but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
