I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize