The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize