hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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