i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
