At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
