I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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