Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
its liver damage thursday
Randomize