haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Every concussion has its silver lining
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
