bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
