8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
