I think im going to throw up on grandma
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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