hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
