I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
