I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
