She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
