Your dad touched me again.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
