You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
