Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
