that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
