i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
