I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
