Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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