the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
