I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
