Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
