You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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