chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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