3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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