I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
