he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
