I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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