Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
