These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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