I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
