If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
