How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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