woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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