Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
