I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
