I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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